Habanero Press

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517,823rd Ad Airs In Support of Returnable Containers Bill

propagandaTonight the Coalition With Tons Of Money To Burn (But In An Environmentally Sensitive Way) aired its 517,823rd ad in support of the Government’s proposed Returnable Containers Bill. In the ad, spokesman Jim McFadzean makes several new claims regarding the Bill’s virtues. “The Bill” he claims, “will cure cancer, reduce heart disease, and babysit your children when you want a night on the town. What this Bill will not do is fart in bed and then try to pretend it was someone else.”

Courts also issued a statement urging viewers not to throw out their TVs just because these ads air 17,000 times during the evening news and other local programming. “Please remember, if you throw out your TVs just because of the ad, it’s equivalent to shooting the messenger, and you’ll still have to pay us for it,” the release reminded consumers. Independent experts suggest that viewers can always resort to foreign TV or pirated DVD movies, and that tossing out the telly should be considered only as a last resort option.

Meanwhile, the Coalition of Mothers Who Only Give Responsible Advice has also issued a statement wherein they respond to the supporter’s assertion that other countries have Returnable Containers laws. In sum, the Coalition of Mothers’ response is “just because your friends jump off a cliff doesn’t mean you have to do it too.”

Responding to all the complaints, the proponent of the Bill insisted that this is a piece of legislation that is designed to stop crime, balance the government’s budget, eradicate the SuperBond debt, and pave all the streets of Belize. “So quit your whining,” he suggests.

In the latest Habanero Poll of 999.5 people trying to find the news between the commercials, estimates show overwhelming public apathy toward the Bill, broken down thus:

  • 900 opposed the Bill, mainly because it hadn’t picked up their kids from school on time;
  • 90 had no opinion, because they read the news online, so don’t see the ads;
  • 9.5 supported the Bill, because it cooked a really, really nice breakfast for them this morning.

The government is expected to pass the Bill soon, and then, maybe, get back to discussing the lesser issues of crime and what to do about Zenaida.

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