Habanero Press

Belize's Hottest News Source

Major Political Parties Agree to Trade Members

PUDP flagIn a historic move, the leaders of the ruling United Democratic Party and the opposition People’s United Party have agreed to begin trading members under a formalized structure. It is anticipated that trading rules will be finalized shortly and that they will be based on the rules used in American athletic trades. Sources from both sides agree that this is a precedent-setting move, though no one we spoke to would confirm whether Zenaida or Ralph would be amongst the early trades.

One senior party member, who agreed to speak to us on condition of anonymity, stated that the ability to trade their members would strengthen both parties’ ability to compete against challenges from the so-called ‘third’ parties. He also observed that midseason trades would not truly hamper performance, since both parties’ philosophies are now so similar as to not require any significant retraining. Traded team members would of course have to agree to wear only the new team’s colours (even the underwear) and must spout their new party’s propaganda as though they had always been of that party. Our source theorized that this would not be difficult for traded members, since the trade really was about the money and the opportunity to form part of the winning team. The potential for financial gains to the individual, he asserted, was what mattered most. Both parties have agreed to continue paying lip service to the public’s need for transparency and corruption, but will not satisfy these needs more deeply than absolutely required by public pressure.

In related news, strong rumours indicate that Zenaida has hired an additional legal team to sue American sports organizations for even having trading rules.

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