Habanero Press

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Belize Government Announces Policy Shift

Economist Pocket World in Figures, 2009

Economist Pocket World in Figures, 2009

(Belmopan, Sept 15, 2009) Today the Government announced a radical policy shift. Responding to the country’s listing in the Economist’s 2009 Pocket World in Figures as the world murder capital, a government spokesman said “it’s really the per capita analysis of the statistics that makes us look bad. Otherwise, people get murdered every day in lots of countries, like Afghanistan and Iraq, so we wouldn’t have a problem if it weren’t for our population size.”

In view of this assessment, the government’s approach to the problem will now be to increase the population “in order to dilute the murder rate.”

The Ministry of National Security has fully endorsed this policy shift, stating that “we’re having so much trouble catching the murderers, getting them sentenced through the court system and thereby reducing the murder rate that we agree that the next best option is to “increase the population so that the murder rate at least looks lower.”

The Immigration Department and the Tourism Board have therefore been officially tasked to “get people into the country, and keep them here.” Officials from those agencies could not be reached for comment. Meanwhile, inside sources suggest that duty on condoms will be increased, and birth control pills will no longer be readily available.

Update: many thanks to alert readers who sent in this story.

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